Since a years and years im proud to have a real xmas tree in my frontroom. She is like a little queen with a large ass, viewing proudly onto her one woman nation, ME!!!
She is the best queen ever. She gave me comfort on first Xmas day when i got home from my very very last working day. I enjoyed a great Itlaian Xmas dinner with six people who did not have any friends or family they could join for Chrissie. Once i got home in my empty house, I poored myself a glas of wiskey and turned on the lights of my proud queen. And for sure she smiled at me and wispered that i did a great job this last year and did the best that i could. With these warm word filled with comfort i smiled a felt a little relief that i finished my crazy job knowing i did a good job. I am looking forward to the job that is waiting for me, although my future collegues havent got a clue who they will meet in 2007!!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Friends, friends, friends and more...
How can i thankz all my friends for being seach loyal royal, loving and fun friends!!! For sure the best i can wish for. They litterily took my breath away when i entered Hotel New York and heard my name loud....Saskia, saskia, saskia.... i turned as red as my coat and for a split second i wished they called another name...but then i realised that all those people stood there because of 15 year of friendship, when the ship is sailing out and there still will be friends!!!
For the third time in my life and they still know how to surprise me. It makes me feel quite inside and think of reasons why they keep on doing it. Can it be a gen?
Deeply inside i feel insecure and not sure if i have been a good enough friend and will be once i am in Denmark. I hope my smiles, tears, laughters, ears, words, hugs, thoughts are strong enough to reach out 750 km. With all my heart i will never ever forget all the late night hours smoking and drinking, the walks on the beach and in woods, drives to the ardennen, shaking hips in rotown, beers and long talks about girliestuff, dinners in dizzy, weddings, the ruige nights, camping in Renesse, the weekend Berlin, seascouts and all the stuff around it, three months sleeping in a tent with my sisiter in New Sealand, two weeks holiday in france, theatre lessons, new year in Hamburg, orga and the ladies and everything that goes with it, the walks with Rover, the tears of hapiness, the first babyboom, all the times i ve been lovesick and all the suport i received over and over, filmfestival, the wines and baths, the hugs, arty stuff with C and C, the patient of moving my stuff including treestrunks, picnics in the euromastpark, the consul, lowlands and music with N, the wise words and comfort. I love you all and gonna mis you big time!!
For the third time in my life and they still know how to surprise me. It makes me feel quite inside and think of reasons why they keep on doing it. Can it be a gen?
Deeply inside i feel insecure and not sure if i have been a good enough friend and will be once i am in Denmark. I hope my smiles, tears, laughters, ears, words, hugs, thoughts are strong enough to reach out 750 km. With all my heart i will never ever forget all the late night hours smoking and drinking, the walks on the beach and in woods, drives to the ardennen, shaking hips in rotown, beers and long talks about girliestuff, dinners in dizzy, weddings, the ruige nights, camping in Renesse, the weekend Berlin, seascouts and all the stuff around it, three months sleeping in a tent with my sisiter in New Sealand, two weeks holiday in france, theatre lessons, new year in Hamburg, orga and the ladies and everything that goes with it, the walks with Rover, the tears of hapiness, the first babyboom, all the times i ve been lovesick and all the suport i received over and over, filmfestival, the wines and baths, the hugs, arty stuff with C and C, the patient of moving my stuff including treestrunks, picnics in the euromastpark, the consul, lowlands and music with N, the wise words and comfort. I love you all and gonna mis you big time!!
space
Its surprising and amazing how some people just dont seem to care that somehow they are entering someones personal space. These days it doesnt always have to be physical. Vibration into your ear from a headphone that is stuck on the ear of the boy sitting opposite of me. I can sing allong with his song, not that i want to sing about this pussy thing. Half past eight, goodmorning Rotterdam! It's my last week on duty saving people from there own disfunctioning state of mind, while my mind is not on track at all.
Monday, December 11, 2006
how do turtles breathe underwater...
As sea turtles are air breathing reptiles, they need to surface to breathe. Sea turtles can hold their breath for several hours, depending upon the level of activity. A resting/sleeping turtle can remain underwater for over 4-7 hours. Recent research has shown that some turtles can even hibernate in the sea for several months! However, a stressed turtle, for instance entangled in fishing gear, quickly uses up oxygen stored within its body and may drown within minutes through panic.
Alright I am far from drowning. In mater of fact things feel allot beter after my nightgohst visit. A cry and good talk with friend C helps. According C Im just in proces and believe me he knows!
But having the turtle theorie in mind I realise it's natural that panic takes oxygen away and gives you the feeling not abel to breath. And it's so natural to take it as easy as a turtle so the oxygen will stay longer in your body.
Alright I am far from drowning. In mater of fact things feel allot beter after my nightgohst visit. A cry and good talk with friend C helps. According C Im just in proces and believe me he knows!
But having the turtle theorie in mind I realise it's natural that panic takes oxygen away and gives you the feeling not abel to breath. And it's so natural to take it as easy as a turtle so the oxygen will stay longer in your body.
Friday, December 8, 2006
B
Just two more days and it's a year ago. Without knowing it was the moment that allot of changes would appear into my life. I rememeber how i stood there gazing at the door. In this dark pub, the Consul, the place to go in the late hours, where i spend allot of my evenings shaking my hips and drinking some last beers.
J mentioned a few weeks before if he should set up a date with B for me. Gee no man, not the guy how likes Lego and Girls! Esspecially the last one did not atrack me at all.
J was not ammused at all by my comments of his well meant option of dating B. So the next morning i changed my mind and thought that J would not hook me up with some pathatic guy. And decided carfully to give B a change.
Things didnt work out how J had them in mind, B was not in the mood of dating and specially not with me how said that i would date with him if he came up with some cool thing to do.
But B and i knew J birthday was coming up real soon. So thats how i stood there exited because the thoughts of B changed in my mind since the moment J mentioned the idea of dating. And maybe J did had i point after all.
And there he walked in with the most beautiful smile i seen in along time. And for sure he was not leaving this pub without talking with me. So as he ordered a beer, i went up to him and said something cheesy, like...Hey B so how are you doing? He just been ill and decided that he had to do the things he does with more love and care. We talked about our ideal holiday and how we could mix the singing in the camper and the motor holiday together. We were so sure that there would be a sollution to this. We were so hooked and forgot the party and all the other people around us. My friend P had a great time talking to all strangers. But eh, she owed me one.
And we could not stop smiling, kissing and talking for weeks after! It just seemed to fit and for sure we knew each other form a former life...
We talked about the girl thing, but that was a big mistake. And he made sure i could not forget the Lego thing as he had lego models exposed al over his room. Did not know at that point that it was the lego that would make the difference.
J mentioned a few weeks before if he should set up a date with B for me. Gee no man, not the guy how likes Lego and Girls! Esspecially the last one did not atrack me at all.
J was not ammused at all by my comments of his well meant option of dating B. So the next morning i changed my mind and thought that J would not hook me up with some pathatic guy. And decided carfully to give B a change.
Things didnt work out how J had them in mind, B was not in the mood of dating and specially not with me how said that i would date with him if he came up with some cool thing to do.
But B and i knew J birthday was coming up real soon. So thats how i stood there exited because the thoughts of B changed in my mind since the moment J mentioned the idea of dating. And maybe J did had i point after all.
And there he walked in with the most beautiful smile i seen in along time. And for sure he was not leaving this pub without talking with me. So as he ordered a beer, i went up to him and said something cheesy, like...Hey B so how are you doing? He just been ill and decided that he had to do the things he does with more love and care. We talked about our ideal holiday and how we could mix the singing in the camper and the motor holiday together. We were so sure that there would be a sollution to this. We were so hooked and forgot the party and all the other people around us. My friend P had a great time talking to all strangers. But eh, she owed me one.
And we could not stop smiling, kissing and talking for weeks after! It just seemed to fit and for sure we knew each other form a former life...
We talked about the girl thing, but that was a big mistake. And he made sure i could not forget the Lego thing as he had lego models exposed al over his room. Did not know at that point that it was the lego that would make the difference.
how to breathe at nigttime...
How can the devil play with you at nighttimes? Sound asleep i suddenly woke up, something was taking my breath away. All my joints seem to be locked and extremly painfull. Rushhour in my head and no trafficjam to stop my thoughts. Not good at all!! I need to breathe deeply, as deep as possible. What a sensation I never had before. Maybe its just a flue trying to atack my body? Or could it be the input of life thats taking the mickey out of me? Air i had to get fresh air into my lungs to make my head quite and not to panic to much.
Did some homemade joga stuff and tried to get the pain out of my joints by druging myself with an asperine. Slowly the relief is there, the pain is getting less and even my head in trying to get some peace..although it is still close to rushhour.
I felt so tired and the pressure of all the stuff what was spinning in my head. How to cope with the last weeks letting go and keep on breathing was my strategie up to now, not so sure if this is enough. Maybe i should be sharing more and take more time to stand still to understand what is going on to keep the night ghosts away.
Did some homemade joga stuff and tried to get the pain out of my joints by druging myself with an asperine. Slowly the relief is there, the pain is getting less and even my head in trying to get some peace..although it is still close to rushhour.
I felt so tired and the pressure of all the stuff what was spinning in my head. How to cope with the last weeks letting go and keep on breathing was my strategie up to now, not so sure if this is enough. Maybe i should be sharing more and take more time to stand still to understand what is going on to keep the night ghosts away.
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